Dear Sister-in-Law Tracey,

Hi, i hope you are all doing well and everyone is ok...

I promise this letter isnt meant to cause any trouble or be negative in any way, but for the last 3-4 years solid, every single day i think about what you said, and until i get a few things off my chest i wont have any peace or stop feeling like i am, and id rally like to go into my 30th year with a clear head for once. So i apologize for pestering you - but uv been pestering me for years!

Ill try an get straight to the point as the last time i wrote this letter it was 32 pages long! Luckily i didnt post it...

I NEVER, EVER, felt ashamed, dirty or guilty... Until that day i told you... It was the hardest thing ive ever told anyone, and if i didnt have to i wouldnt of, but nothing could have prepared me for your response!

And because i was a bit stunned i didnt answer your question properly, and its really bugging me.

So 1. i gotta explain to you how i could go away with him.
and 2. i want you to know why i had to tell you that day.

I'll start with 2.

In the week or days before that, these conversations took place...

I was on the phone to my step-sister Catherine, she told me she had been on holiday with her dad and my mum.

i was shocked, and the first thing i said was wernt you worried about the kids??

Do you know what she said? i have never felt so sickened and disgusted by anyone or anything in my life...

She said to me, ''I ONLY FELT A BIT WORRIED WHEN CAROLINE WAS IN THE POOL WITH ME DAD''...

Perhaps i should point out that earlier that year id found out that he did it to her as well, when she was 4 or 5, in the bath.

I asked her over a double JD in the pub i had took her to for a chat, i said, how can u just carry on normal, how come it doesnt bother you... she said ''well he's still my dad in he''.

I was chewing that info around my brain, i think id gone there for a magic answer, so that id be able to deal with it all the same way.

unfortunately, it dawned on me that she could have stopped it happening to me, if she hadnt kept quiet - if she hadnt left me alone with him ever - she could have stopped it happening.

i didnt blame her, dont get me wrong, but i deeply hated her for doing nothing.

I dont remember how or when but was it that week i found out that u and my brother were goin away with them as well? i dont no, but i had to do something so i phoned my darling mum.

And what did my mum said bless her? ''TUT, TUT, NOT THIS AGAIN''.

Not THIS Again, thats what sh said, like i was a new infestation of cockroaches or something.

So tell me, anyone, what would you do at that point? My brother, his wife and my little neice were goin on holiday with my mum and my step dad, the man who abused me when i was 7 years old, abused his daughter when she was 4 or 5, and was about to go on holiday with my gorgeous little neice?

In my mind, i find it propsterous that im even asking the question, because 1 - he shouldnt even be alive, and 2 - ofcourse ive gotta tell them. At least my neice wont grow up to hate me deeply like i hate catherine.

Now, for so many reasons i cant be bothered to go into, i am very, very happy that my mum now has you because you get on wllth her and look after her. So to tell you this was triple bad because i was jeperdizing all that. although i didnt need to worry did i...

So i called you, i told you, and what did u say?